I feel I could have avoided so much hurt if I wasn't me,
If I didn't grow up as me
If I had torn off my flesh
And wear a skin that makes me feel seen
Bite off my hands
To let go the cards I was given
I wish i had ripped the hair out of my scalp
Until my heavy thoughts feel lighter
Plucked out all my eyelashes
Until i could see the world brighter
As I separate the layers of my nails
In a search to find something new
Peeling back chunks of skin
Hoping to find something to love not abuse
As all the scabs I caused
Only leave more scars to remember
The new ones just caused
And the faded ones from younger
These ones are public
Are visible and seen
Yet the ones in my mind
Are the ones truly trapping me
As I continue to wish
I didn't grow up as me
Never feel the pain i've always known
Or gain this weight on my chest
Never find the hate that I own
And erase the thoughts in my head